Girls should come with a carfax report
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
