I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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