I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I believe in your delicious
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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