The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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