Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
