i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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