where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
