Tell her she can't have a vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
