nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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