drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
