That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I faked an abortion last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
