Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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