why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
