Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
