Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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