I wish I only lived at night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
