No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
