Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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