Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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