Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
