They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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