Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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