Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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