my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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