I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i out mim tonsoeep
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
