Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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