I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
