I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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