It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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