why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize