there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
