i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
