my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
