home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
