This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
