It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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