...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
