Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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