she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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