Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
