I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
