and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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