I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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