how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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