the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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