he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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