I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
