I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
