Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
