Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
