why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
