you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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