it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
