Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
