He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
