Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
