What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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