Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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