He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i now understand why vodka
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
