Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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