I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
are you so shy because you have an std?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
