Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize