those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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