thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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