so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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