I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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