Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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