and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
