He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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