he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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