I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How naked do you want me to be?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
