gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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